


Like stars

by BlackBird_writes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Happy Ending, I promise!, M/M, Makeup, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26699440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBird_writes/pseuds/BlackBird_writes
Summary: Iwaizumi shrugged, swallowed the unwanted familiar lump in his throat as he answered with the ghost of a memory in the back of his eyes. “Our love was like the stars, I guess,” he said thickly. “We loved each other too much, too fast, and then we exploded.”In which Oikawa and Iwaizumi's love burns bigger and brighter and higher until it explodes and leaves a gaping black hole in Iwaizumi's life where Oikawa used to be.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 14
Kudos: 39





	1. Break up

**Author's Note:**

> Phew. I've typed all of this out in one day and I'm writing the last chapter as we speak. I'm sorry for all the sad, but I promise the happy is coming! I'm pretty much dying with all the angst as well and just want to get to the make up. 
> 
> I will say, I wrote the first chapter after the second, so if there's some errors or something weird in there that seems a little out of context, I'm sorry! let me know and I can try to fix it.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy my first IwaOi work (￣▽￣)V

When Oikawa Tooru was 3, his family moved to the quiet country side of Miyagi from Osaka, and met his next door neighbour's son, Iwaizumi Hajime. 

They shared a dividing fence between the houses, the Oikawa house being white in colour with navy blue roofing, a more modern building that was just recently added to the neighbourhood. The Iwaizumi's had a more traditional look, pale yellow in colour with terracotta roof tiles. 

Oikawa Aiko stepped up to the Iwaizumi's front door step with freshly made mochi on one of her nicest plates as she rang the doorbell to greet her new neighbours. Iwaizumi Misaki opened the door as Hajime in all his proud glory and dirty knees stood in front of his mother's knee to protect her from whoever rang the door bell. In his hand was his favourite action figure, a hideous little thing with an mantis-like alien head and muscular super hero body clad in dark uniform. Iwaizumi lovingly named it after one of his first learnt adjectives.

"Hello! I just moved in next door to you, I'm Oikawa Aiko! Nice to meet you," Aiko greeted politely, and Misaki's face lit up as she returned the greeting. 

"Welcome! I'm sorry, I should have greeted you first, but I was just cleaning up Hajime's mess," Misaki apologised, and Hajime screwed his face into a frown at the comment. 

"Ah! Hello there Hajime!" Aiko cooed. "Tooru, come on, look, a friend," Aiko coaxed from behind her wide, beige coloured pants. Tooru peeked out from behind her legs as he gripped her pants in both his grubby hands tight, and Hajime's mouth dropped open at the sight of another child his age. "Lets get along with the Iwaizumi family, ne?" Aiko laughed with Misaki as Tooru shyly hid his face in his mother's pants and nodded while Hajime unabashedly stared.

"Go on, do you want to play together Hajime?" Misaki coaxed too, and Hajime kept staring. Eventually, Hajime thrust out his chubby little fist holding his alien-like action figure, and Tooru stared in shock. Hajime waved his hand out again for Tooru to take the figurine, which he finally did. Satisfied, Hajime nodded as Tooru looked at the toy in wonder. 

"What do we say, Tooru?" Aiko chastised gently, to which Tooru mumbled a small "thank", still not as adept with his words. Aiko smiled and looked at Hajime, who still looked satisfied after gifting his favourite toy to his new neighbour. "Has it got a name?" Aiko asked Hajime.

He grinned and said "Yesh. After him," he said, pointing his finger at Tooru.

"What did you name it?" Aiko asked, and Misaki realised the mistake too late. 

"Hajime, _no-"_

_"Minikao."_

"Hm?" Aiko asked, puzzled as Tooru too tilted his head in confusion. "Minikao as in 'small face'?"

At this, Hajime pasted a smug grin on his face as Misaki cradled her face in her palm.

"No. _Minikui kao_." Ugly face.

Tooru erupted into screaming tears at that point, while Hajime was punished and lectured on the spot, still with a smug little grin on his arrogant chubby cheeks.

From then, for the next 15 years, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were inseparable.

\----

Oikawa and Iwaizumi graduated from Aoba Jousai High School in the spring with Hanamaki and Matsukawa by their sides. Iwaizumi accepted an offer with Waseda University, whereas Oikawa chose to go to Keio. Upon realizing they might have to separate, the two began spending time together almost every hour, every minute of the day, when touches gradually began to linger, eye contact began to prolong, and the two drew together like magnets.

There wasn’t much preamble to it; Oikawa was sitting on the edge of the low bridge near their house in Miyagi while the river rushed below them, holding hands with Iwaizumi and brushing shoulders with him as he listed all his plans for Tokyo and what he was going to do and who he was going to see when-

“Hey,” Iwaizumi cut off, staring at Oikawa’s face intently and Oikawa immediately stopped talking. He noticed Iwaizumi’s eyes drift down to his lips, and Oikawa self-consciously licked them. “Can I kiss you?” It was Oikawa’s turn to snap his gaze to Iwaizumi’s lips, and after a pause of hesitation, the two collided like meteorites, smashing together and destroying any traces of self doubt in their minds.

Iwaizumi turned his body fully and tucked his hands into Oikawa’s hair, Oikawa wandering his hands down to Iwaizumi’s hot neck. The sun beat down on them as the water rushed beneath them, and Oikawa felt like he was floating into the stratosphere. Suddenly, Iwaizumi bit down and tugged at his hair at the same time and Oikawa felt a moan drag out of his throat. Iwaizumi took his change and pushed forward, plunging his tongue in Oikawa’s mouth and _god_ , was it getting real hot or-

Oikawa leaned back when Iwaizumi pushed forward and Oikawa felt a _swoop_ in his stomach when he realized they were going to fall, grabbing onto Iwaizumi’s shoulders tight and screaming all the way down until they fell into the water.

With a big splash, the two resurfaced, Oikawa laughing and shaking the water out of his hair and Iwaizumi spluttering in disbelief. Helping each other out of the cold, spring water, Iwaizumi and Oikawa raced home, laughing and touching freely all the way, until they entered Oikawa’s residence and realized no one was home.

The two spent a few moments regarding each other in their sopping wet clothing when the truth began to sink in, and they continued staring at one another hotly.

“We should get out of these wet clothes.”

“Wouldn’t want to get sick.”

The two stood in the hallway a little longer before they flew at each other and started ripping their clothes off one by one. They stumbled and stroked tongues all the way up the stairs to Oikawa’s bedroom, second door on the left, and scrabbled to find purchase as they slammed the door shut. Iwaizumi laid down on Oikawa’s childhood bed where they used to have sleepovers, and Oikawa sat on his thighs above him, removing his shirt in the darkness of the room, and then the two were naked, young, and in love. The two hot blooded males shared their first time together that night, through awkward touches and tears of pain, but with an eventual pleasurable ending.

In hindsight, Iwaizumi really should have known they moved _way_ too fast.

Two days later, Oikawa told his parents while holding Iwa-chan’s hand at the dinner table with stars in his eyes, and his parents just laughed and said “we knew this was coming.” Oikawa vibrated in his seat from happiness and kissed Iwaizumi then and there, who pushed his face off in embarrassment to the background of the Oikawa family’s laughter.

Iwaizumi took a little longer with his own mother, with his father away for business, but when he finally told her she looked at him with tears in her eyes. Iwaizumi faltered, because he knew his mother well and this face told him she was looking at him with sorrow.

“Is this- Are you unhappy because I’m _homo_ , or-” Iwaizumi choked, feeling tears fly up to his own eyes. His mother waved a hand in front of her face and put a hand to her lips as she said “No, no.”

“Just. Are you sure, Hajime?” his mother asked in a hushed voice.

“Am I sure because he’s a _guy_ , or-?!”

“Not because he’s a boy,” she cut him off. “Because this is _Tooru_ we’re talking about. Are you sure?” she clarified, and Iwaizumi didn’t know what to think of that.

“ _Because_ it’s Tooru I’m sure mom,” Iwaizumi said thickly, confidence faltering as he felt hesitation grip him by the shoulders.

Again, Iwaizumi should have taken his mother’s words as warning.

Her stern eyebrows were furrowed in concern, but the two stared at each other at an impasse, and they never brought it up again. Tentatively, she accepted Oikawa into the fold, and then, things became fine for a while.

Things became great.

Iwaizumi’s favourite place became Oikawa’s lap while he hummed songs happily under his breath, sometimes singing out loud if he felt brave enough while his long fingers carded through Iwaizumi’s dark hair and Iwaizumi's eyes fluttered shut at the feeling.

Oikawa preened under Iwaizumi’s constant attention, fell in love with the way Iwaizumi sometimes looked at him so intently, so reverently, like Oikawa was his sun and his stars, and Iwaizumi was the inky night sky.

The two exchanged kisses and had to be touching each other in some way at all times when they were together, and even when they couldn’t be together they spent hours on the phone talking about nothing or listening to the other breathe.

At night, the two explored each other intimately, until Iwaizumi knew what it took to get Oikawa to make that breathy little ‘ _oh_ ’, and until Oikawa could make Iwaizumi groan out a ‘ _fuck_ ’ on command.

After, they would lay together on their sides, facing each other and talking about their upcoming future in Tokyo, their different universities and the degrees they would be studying.

Talks of the future turned into forever, and the two curled in on one another, unable to contain their excitement for when they would move to Tokyo.

Then, the two moved into their Tokyo apartment, and things turned to shit.

\----

Living away from home and attempting to sync with one another became a whole other issue, moving to a new city in an unfamiliar neighbourhood while attempting to undertake graduate degrees at the same time. At first, the two bumbled around each other awkwardly as they discovered new habits and pet peeves, and how the two responded to such new unknown territories.

Oikawa was a late night showerer, but Iwaizumi was an early sleeper, so the ruckus Oikawa made at night left him sleeping on the couch more often than he would have liked.

Iwaizumi had a habit of leaving dirty clothes on the floor wherever he stripped, which was _anywhere_ , and didn’t care to separate colours in the laundry when he washed them, which led to several screaming matches when Oikawa’s white uniform shirts turned pink because of Iwaizumi’s red gym shorts.

Oikawa hoarded cups and never washed them, always leaving them where he drank last and never putting them in the sink.

Iwaizumi was a messy cook, but Oikawa didn’t cook at all, even on the nights when Iwaizumi had late classes and gym, and he came home to find Oikawa sitting on the couch watching TV and eating chips without any food in the house.

Oftentimes, the two’s schedules clashed due to their different classes and Oikawa’s choice to continue volleyball in university, and when they came home to dirty cups and forgotten laundry, tempers rose and patience thinned.

They fought every day.

At first it was small.

“Iwa-chan, why didn’t you do the laundry like I asked?”

“Thought you said you’d do it when you got back.”

“Okay. Well I _clearly_ told you before I left that I wouldn’t have time today to hang it before night time because of practice.”

“Right, like you didn’t have time to do the dishes yesterday or today either.”

“Shittykawa, why is it so fucking hard to be a considerate person and _shut the fuck up_ when I’m trying to sleep?!”

“Iwa-chan, I just came back from practice, I need to shower because I’m gross.”

“I have early classes tomorrow!”

“ _What?_ Iwa-chan, you said we could get breakfast tomorrow. We haven’t spent time together in _ages_.”

“Well, I can’t. We can do lunch.”

“ _I told you I can’t do lunch, that’s why we picked breakfast!”_

“I’m going out to see friends tonight, don’t wait up.”

“Iwa-chan? Tonight is my only free night this week, did it have to be tonight?”

“Well it’s hard for us to meet up because our classes don’t line up.”

“I told you on Monday this was my only free night. Couldn’t you tell them you weren’t free tonight and pick another night?”

“Are you listening Shittykawa? Our classes don’t line up and tonight was the only night. I live with you, what’s the big deal?”

“ _What’s the big deal_? The _big deal_ is that they probably see you more than I do, and I _live_ with you!”

“You’re such a fucking drama queen, I’m leaving. Bye.”

“Iwa-chan-!”

“Did you hang out with Hayato-senpai again?”

“Yeah, so what if I did?”

“Ugh, Iwa-chan you smell like smoke. I hate the smell of smoke.”

“Yeah, like you’ve said a million times.”

“So why do you hang out with him if I’ve told you a million times I hate it?”

“What, I can’t hang out with my friends anymore? Are you fucking for real?”

“ _No,_ why do you have to hang out with him when he smokes?”

“For fuck’s sake Oikawa, he didn’t even smoke. He just smells that way.”

“Iwa-chan?”

“…”

“… Iwa-chan. I’m leaving now.”

“…”

“Okay… bye… I’ll see you when I come home.”

“Hm.”

\----

By the time Iwaizumi felt a dull pain in his chest every day and had claxons blaring in his mind, Oikawa was waiting for him in the living room.

Iwaizumi toed off his shoes in the genkan, knowing Oikawa would tell him off for not lining them up nicely and leaving them haphazardly, but he still ignored the nagging feeling in the back of his mind and stepped up to the timber flooring of his small hallway without tidying up his shoes.

“Oikawa?”

Oikawa didn’t move from his spot on the couch, his arms wrapped around his knees with his head tucked in. Iwaizumi tentatively approached him as he came around the side of the couch to speak with him.

“Oikawa, are you okay-” Iwaizumi stopped. As he came around the front of the couch, he noticed the box. The box was medium sized, filled with Oikawa’s trinkets and knick knacks that he used to decorate the living room. By his feet was his large teal coloured suitcase covered in alien and galaxy stickers, looking packed to the brim, and the claxons in his head were screaming now. Iwaizumi took a look around the living room which looked the same, but different. Still furnished, but _empty._ “What the…”

Oikawa picked this moment to raise his head from his knees and looked at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi took one look at his face and felt his heart drop and his insides twist painfully. Suddenly, his chest felt tight and he needed to take bigger breaths to be able to breathe.

“Oikawa what are you doing.”

Oikawa drew in a shaky breath and let it out in a huff.

“Oikawa, why is your shit packed-”

“I’m done Hajime. I can’t do this anymore.”

Iwaizumi could feel his throat close up and the penny dropped.

_Oh god._

Rather than acting on his insecurities, rather than doing what he wanted and going on his knees to beg him to stay, Iwaizumi felt the pulse of anger, hot and _wrong_ flare up in his chest.

“So that’s it? You’re not even going to talk to me about it?” he asked lowly, and this was all wrong, _this was a mistake, I can take it back_ -

Oikawa barked out a bittersweet laugh as he unfolded his legs.

“Talk about it? I’ve been talking _at_ you for the past 5 months. _You’re_ the one who won’t talk to me about it,” Oikawa said coldly as he began to arrange the paraphernalia inside the box so that it would rattle less and be safer to transport.

_No. Don’t touch those._

“What are you even talking about? When have you _ever_ talked about breaking up!?” Iwaizumi could feel his voice rising as steadily as his anger, clenching his fists by his side as he tried to quell the cold, cold fear that was building in his bones by replacing it with fiery, hot _anger_. “Are you being fucking serious right now?”

“Are _you_ being serious right now!?” Oikawa bit back just as loudly, whipping around to face him. “How about all those times I told you I needed to talk? How about when I told you I needed you with me, and then you went ahead and made plans with other people instead?”

“Look, you’re just being dramatic as usual, we’ll talk about it-”

“We’ve _talked_ about it!” Oikawa shouted at him. Iwaizumi felt his fists clench harder and his anger flare higher. “You always do this, _always_ blame me for being selfish and call me dramatic and make excuses-”

“What am I supposed to do then, you kept asking me to stop seeing other people so much, do you really still think that’s not unreasonable? Do you not see that as the selfish fucking ploy that it is?” Iwaizumi shouted back.

“No,” Oikawa seethed quietly, and Iwaizumi had to double take. He doesn’t remember ever seeing Oikawa this angry at him, this angry maybe _ever_. Just as fast, Iwaizumi watched Oikawa deflate like all the fight left him in one breath, just as quickly as it had entered him. Oikawa suddenly brought the palms of his hands to his eyes and dug them into his sockets hard as he began to laugh wetly, ugly little noises escaping in between. “Look at us, just _look at us_ , it’s been the same thing every day for the last few _weeks_.”

As though he was suddenly dowsed in cold water, Iwaizumi felt cold fear grip him once again. He reached forward and gently gripped Oikawa’s arm.

_Please don't leave_ me.

“Hey, let’s fix this. I promise, _Tooru,_ we can fix this-”

“Please let go of me Hajime,” Oikawa said quietly, _tiredly,_ and Iwaizumi thinks that was the moment when reality finally began to sink into his thick, dense head as he quickly dropped his hand.

Because for the last few weeks, that’s all Iwaizumi saw of Oikawa, what little of him he _did_ see.

He was tired.

Just _tired_.

And he obviously reached the end of his tether because he took his hands away from his red rimmed, shiny eyes, and stared at Iwaizumi with an unbreakable resolve in his eyes.

“I’m leaving now, Hajime.”

Iwaizumi stood rooted to the spot as though he was frozen, eyes wide and lungs empty, as he watched Oikawa detract his suitcase handle so he could wheel his bag on their hardwood floors of _their_ shared apartment, out of that door and out of Iwaizumi's life. Oikawa set the box of trinkets on top of the bag and rolled over to the genkan, dropping the suitcase noisily onto concrete and messily placed shoes. Iwaizumi felt guilt claw at his chest as Oikawa leaned over their genkan, would have seen his shoes lying haphazardly again despite Oikawa asking him _so many times to straighten them-_

Oikawa said nothing as he looked down at the genkan and slipped his own teal converse onto his feet, and then straightened up in the small space as he tapped his shoes into place. For several moments, Iwaizumi watched Oikawa's back, stared at the outline of it and tried to memorise the shape of him before he left, tried to open his mouth to ask him to _please, come back and talk it through, we can make it, we've always been together, for all these years_.

_We even talked about forever, didn't that mean anything?_

But nothing came out of Iwaizumi's mouth and Oikawa never turned back around, and the silence became so loud it deafened Iwaizumi's ears until he heard Oikawa move forward and open their front door for the last time, never turning around once as the door finally closed with a quiet 'click'. 

Iwaizumi stood, frozen in his spot by the couch as he stared at the front door as though he couldn't believe what just happened. 

What _had_ happened?

Just under a year ago, Iwaizumi thought he was the happiest man in the world, having gotten together with his best friend who already knew him like the back of his hand, and _how did he lose almost 16 years of friendship so fast_? He felt his mind reeling from the series of events that led to him standing in his living room, wide eyed and not quite accepting of it yet. Iwaizumi brought his hand to his chest, and slowly brought his hand away, expecting to see blood and organs and innards from how _painful_ his chest felt at the moment, but his hand came back clean. 

Unbeknownst to Iwaizumi, Oikawa crouched on the other side of the door with his hands gripping his mouth painfully as he sobbed with what felt like every ounce of water in his body, until he was drained of all his tears, and the sun had bled into the darkness and the moon shone high above the apartment. 

Just like a supernova, they were brilliant and bright and burned brighter and hotter, until they had ended in an explosion, akin to a star that died and left a gaping black hole in Iwaizumi’s chest and Oikawa's life.


	2. Post Breakup

The first month after they broke up was the hardest.

On the first day, Iwaizumi could only remember feeling white hot, _burning_ , _inconsolable_ _rage_ , and by the time the flame began to die, and the noise filtered back into his ears, all he heard was the sound of his harsh panting. All he saw was the rubble of his (not _their_ anymore) apartment, couches and tables and chairs overturned, mugs and dinnerware smashed beyond recognition. After his hearing filtered back in, and his vision returned, he could feel the wet, hot tackiness of blood beneath his feet. Iwaizumi stood there for what felt like _hours_ until he finally moved, and began cleaning up, one mess at a time, _alone_.

On the second day, Iwaizumi was still cleaning the whirlwind of destruction when he found _minikao_ on the floor in the hallway.

Iwaizumi tightened his grip on the toy until he heard the plastic creak, and noticed the small dent in the wall near his shin in the hallway corridor that looked suspiciously like the ugly mantis/alien head shape.

“ _Shit_!” Iwaizumi cursed as he flung the toy as hard as he could in the direction of the living room.

Iwaizumi stopped crying after the 3rd day when the loneliness filtered into white noise, and the silence became deafening in his new (once shared) empty home. He sat alone on the 4 person couch, – _“we don’t need a couch that big, Shittykawa!” “But Iwa-chan, this is the comfiest!”_ – shoulders hunched and elbows resting on his knees as he reverently held _minikao_ in his hands.

On the 4th day, Iwaizumi woke up on the couch with _minikao_ in his hands, and he got up to put him away into a random box, out of sight. Dimly, Iwaizumi was aware he could hear his phone buzzing nonstop at random intervals, but he left it where it lay on the kitchen counter untouched. He stared down at his buzzing phone and watched Matsukawa’s name flash on the home screen – _“Yaho! Iwa-chan, where are you now? I’m coming home~!”_ – before aggressively yanking the charger from the wall and turning the phone off with as much force as he could muster on a tiny power button on the side of a smart phone.

By the 5th day, he showered, got changed, and forced himself to take a walk outside of the apartment – _stop thinking about him, stop remembering him and hanging onto his scent, stop stop_ ** _stop_** _–_ when he stumbled on the pond by the park. Iwaizumi paused and fondly watched the newly hatched ducklings bumble after the mother duck in a single file – _“Iwa-chan, look how cute they are! Did you bring the bread?”_ – until the ache in his chest couldn’t be ignored and Iwaizumi ended up turning right around and walking back home again. 

Iwaizumi kicked off his sneakers in the genkan – _“Iwa-chan, line your shoes up nicely you Neanderthal!”_ – before pausing to bend over and rearrange the shoes carefully, gently, until they were neatly lined side by side in the corner of the genkan with a giant lump in his throat and a sting in his eyes.

On the 6th day, Hanamaki and Matsukawa knocked on his door loudly and persistently for an hour, but Iwaizumi ignored it. The threats through the door increased by the hour, until the two threatened to come back tomorrow and break his door down, and then after the knocking tapered off, there was peace and quiet. Iwaizumi waited for another half hour before deeming it safe, and walked down to the Family Mart to buy groceries in a ratty hoodie and probably smelly track pants. Iwaizumi’s hand automatically wandered over to pick up the curry roux cubes to serve 4, basket slowly being loaded with ingredients to feed 2 with enough leftovers for bento lunch boxes when he realized what he was doing. Iwaizumi’s hand had just barely touched the milk bread, before he dropped his shopping basket and swallowed down a barely bitten curse in his mouth. He left the shopping basket in the aisle where he dropped it, full of ingredients and food for 2 ( _not 1_ ), and power walked home, tired and sad and _alone alone_ ** _alone_** _-_

On the 7th day, Hanamaki and Matsukawa _actually_ broke down his door, and when the neighbours of his unit heard yelling and screaming and sounds of fists hitting skin, police showed up at his doorstep and asked him if he wanted to charge the two men for breaking down his door. Iwaizumi politely declined, and when police noticed Hanamaki with one black eye and Matsukawa with two, Iwaizumi forced a thin smile, pinching Hanamaki and Matsukawa until they both wore twin, forced smiles to match him.

“We were just mucking around. It was an accident.”

“… Right. So nobody wants to make a report here?”

3 identical thin smiles shook their heads at the same time, uncanny and a little creepy, until the police officers shook their heads and sighed, walking away from the trio muttering about boys and youth.

“You’re a fucking brute,” Hanamaki said in a deadpan voice while still watching the stairwell where the police had just left.

“An absolute savage,” Matsukawa agreed sagely. “We should have you charged for assault.”

Iwaizumi could feel a smile, a small but real smile tug on his face as stood between them, towered between their heights, and for the first time in a week, it felt easier to breathe.

The next few weeks after that, Hanamaki and Matsukawa took him drinking as a social activity to try and get him to relax, and think about something (someone) else. Unfortunately, they ran into Daichi and Sugawara who, looking happy to see them, opened their mouths to ask-

“Where’s Oikawa-san?”

Hanamaki and Matsukawa made quick work of holding his swinging fists and flailing legs before dragging Iwaizumi out of the club before security could get to them. After that, the three agreed not to visit busy and popular Tokyo clubs and stick to drinking in local izakayas where food could counteract with the alcohol raging in Iwaizumi’s blood.

At the 10 week mark, Iwaizumi was resting his alcohol flushed cheek on the izakaya bar top and mumbling to himself. Matsukawa and Hanamaki flanked him, still eating their shared plate of gyoza that Iwaizumi still didn’t really help himself to.

“Oi,” Hanamaki called, poking at Iwaizumi’s cheek as he faced him. “You should eat more you alcoholic.” He popped a gyoza into his own mouth.

“Alcoholic~” Matsukawa sing songed in a monotone before taking another piece of gyoza for himself. Iwaizumi let out a long huff and the two looked at him, chewing.

“Takahiro,” Iwaizumi slurred, and Hanamaki immediately felt himself stop chewing at his first name. “God, I miss him,” Iwaizumi choked out, and he turned his face down onto the table top as he began to grip at his hair with both hands. “I miss him so much,” Hanamaki and Matsukawa heard him sob. “In the morning, I still look for him sometimes,” Iwaizumi warbled as he began to make low, growling noises that came from his chest; pure unbridled pain pouring from every fibre of his being.

Hanamaki swallowed the gyoza in his mouth through the added lump in his throat and attempted to rub his hand over Iwaizumi’s hair and under his painful grip to stop him from going bald, and Matsukawa placed a large, hot hand on Iwaizumi’s back as the two shared a look and a nod over his slumped form.

That night, the two took one arm each and slung it over their shoulders as they stumbled back to Iwaizumi’s apartment. Iwaizumi slumped his head back on the train seat and snored loudly with his jaw dropped open, and Hanamaki kept track of their stops while Matsukawa tried to balance the drunk in between them.

The three alighted at Iwaizumi’s stop and resumed their stumble back to the apartment, bouncing off walls and struggling to keep Iwaizumi upright as he looked for his house keys. The two noticed the small, cute alien head charm that dangled off of the keys once they were procured out of Iwaizumi’s pocket, - _“Iwa-chan! Look at this adorable gachapon, let me get you something!” –_ but don’t say anything.

The three proceeded to nearly fall and fight for space in the small genkan as they slipped off their shoes, before Iwaizumi drunkenly snarled “line your shoes up nicely, _you neanderthals_.” Matsukawa shared a look with Hanamaki who looked about at his limit with everything, before biting his lip down to shut up, _just shut up_.

Iwaizumi face planted onto his double sized bed (now for one) and Matsukawa sighed loudly. Hanamaki and Matsukawa made an unspoken agreement and laid out the guest futons and blankets in the living room and went to sleep if only to greet Iwaizumi’s blank, sleepy face in the morning and make the loneliness hurt less.

The stumbling and the drunkard-hauling became all worth it in the morning when Iwaizumi stumbled his way into the living room and found the two blearily tapping at their phones, and gave a small smile at the two on the floor.

After the troublesome duo left, Iwaizumi finally brought up the courage to call his mother. He stood at the kitchen counter and brought up his mother’s contact number, numbly pressing dial and slowly bringing the phone up to his ear, praying to a God he that he didn't believe in that she doesn’t pick up-

The line clicked and her voice filtered through.

“Hajime! You’ve finally returned my calls!” his mother’s voice exclaimed over the tinny reception of a landline phone out in the country side, and Iwaizumi felt his stomach drop and his eyes sting. He felt like he needed to throw up right then and there. “One would think that my son suddenly forgot all about his parents out in the country bumpkin side after moving to the big city and becoming a city slicker boy!” she teased. Iwaizumi nodded and felt his tears shed at the action as his head bobbed up and down before realizing she wouldn’t see him. “I don’t hear Tooru greeting me in the background like usual, where is he?”

“Yeah,” he said thickly, choking back a gasp.

“Hajime?” his mother quickly asked with worry. “My son, what’s wrong?” At this, the dam broke, and Iwaizumi clenched the phone with one hand and the front of his shirt in the other.

“We broke up mom,” he sobbed out, feeling his heart twist and his stomach wring as he tried to force the words out for the first time out into the open.

_“I’m done Hajime. I can’t do this anymore.”_

“Hajime, _what_?” his mother asked as Iwaizumi sobbed louder, choking on the ugly noises.

“He dumped me. I should’ve listened to you mom, but I never do,” he cried, rubbing at his eyes with the palm of his free hand. “We’re done.”

\----

Iwaizumi shared the Tokyo apartment for 12 months before his world was ripped out from under him, and getting used to buying ingredients and cooking for a grand total person of one took 3 and a half months (Four if the times Iwaizumi picked up portions for two and set them down again without letting them in the shopping basket counted). He was getting better at it, in fact, to the point where he would invite Hanamaki and Matsukawa over for dinner but would only have enough ingredients for one serving. Those nights became conflicting and a little difficult to navigate, but the taller two would easily brush the matter off with a tease and an insult before they all headed out to the local ramen joint (the one that _he_ used to complain was too spicy; he wouldn’t run into _him_ there).

The apartment lost its floral, citrus-y scent and when Iwaizumi went home now, it only smelt like him and whatever meal he decided to cook for that day. He had a small box tucked away in the storage cupboard whenever he found a random, non-Iwaizumi belonging, and he could put something away now without losing his goddamn mind. Iwaizumi was vacuuming the apartment when he finally reached under the bed – _“Iwa-chan’s arms are so buff but so short- agh! Don’t hit me for your_ shortcomings _– AGHH! Iwa no!!” –_ and pulled out a lone, pastel galaxy house slipper. His lips pursed and wobbled before he bit down on his lower lip, but he made it to the box labelled ‘ _trash’s_ ’ in the storage cupboard and put the slipper away without further incident.

Idly, Iwaizumi returned to the bed to see what else he could find under there, and he found one half of his own pair of house slippers, a navy Uniqlo pair with white stripes. Shrugging, Iwaizumi couldn’t find the other half and promptly forgot about it. He barely wore them anyway.

\----

At 3 months time, Iwaizumi could bring himself to say the words out loud, rather than scream them in his head telepathically, begging Hanamaki and Matsukawa to slice open his head and see how he was feeling and what he was thinking and _how is he doing, God is he okay, is he doing better than me, is he doing better_ ** _without me_** –

“How is he doing?” Iwaizumi asked quietly under the chatter and din of the izakaya they were eating at. Thankfully, these days the izakaya saw the trio drinking less and eating more. Matsukawa held his chopsticks at his lips as he paused and Hanamaki set his chopsticks down onto his little ceramic holder on the bar table.

“He’s- he’s good,” Hanamaki said curtly, and Matsukawa bore holes into his face with his eyes.

“Y-yeah?” Iwaizumi choked out. _Oh good. I’m glad, he’s okay, he’s doing fine, he’s better off now –_

“Yeah,” Hanamaki said tersely, and a tension filled pause lingered in the air before Matsukawa opened his mouth.

“He’s seeing someone now.”

“Matsukawa!” Hanamaki said sharply. Iwaizumi took a sharp breath in, held it, and then blew it out forcefully.

“Right,” Iwaizumi said tightly. “Right,” he said again as he pushed out his chair and stood from his seat with his palms slapped onto the table.

“Iwaizumi, wait-” Hanamaki pleaded while Matsukawa grabbed Iwaizumi’s wrist. Iwaizumi roughly wrenched his arm out of his grip and paused, seemingly realizing what he just did. Blowing out another breath, Iwaizumi scrunched his eyes shut and opened them again slowly, looking at his two best high school friends who took care of him and made sure he ate and studied and left the house _but they have to do that for him too_ , _don’t be selfish_.

“Thanks,” Iwaizumi said gruffly, and the two other men paused as they regarded Iwaizumi like a wounded animal. “It’s fine. I mean it. Thanks, though. For everything,” Iwaizumi clipped out, and Hanamaki relaxed the tension in his shoulders a little. Iwaizumi said his goodbyes first, and the two let him go reluctantly, watching as Iwaizumi shrugged his denim jacket back on and headed back out to the Autumn chill alone.

_I said_ it _was fine,_ Iwaizumi wondered to himself as he walked home, _but I never said_ I _was fine._

_“He’s seeing someone now_ ,” Matsukawa’s blunt voice intonated, and Iwaizumi punched out at a brick wall blindly at the memory.

That night, he walked home with a fierce look in his eyes and blood on his knuckles, haphazardly cleaned with antiseptic at home and bandaged poorly before he landed on his bed and lay awake for the next 8 hours until the sun rose.

\--

6 months later, Iwaizumi wandered into the record and CD store that _they_ used to frequent together. He felt a dull ache in his chest, but he could breathe through it and walk into the store this time without walking past and attempting to ignore its existence while his heart raced. Iwaizumi caught up with Watari and Yahaba who both moved to Tokyo to study after graduating (like _they_ did), and Yahaba apparently wanted to get the latest album of ONE OK ROCK. The two walked ahead of him towards the J-Rock section while Iwaizumi wandered around leisurely. In the corner of his eye, he noticed a promotional poster with a large group of cutely dressed, make up done girls – _“Iwa-chan, look! Isn’t Sakura-chan so cute in this MV?” “Which one, there’s like a million of them.” “Mean, Iwa-chan!” –_ which he recognized as AKB48. Iwaizumi dawdled over and picked up their new CD, seeing that the poster was promoting their new album.

_Oh. I better tell him a new album came out-_

Oh.

The medium sized CD store suddenly felt claustrophobic and Iwaizumi found it difficult to breathe. Tears sprung to his eyes without warning, and Iwaizumi blinked them away, refusing to let anything fall. Letting out a shaky breath, Iwaizumi put the CD back before he broke it into pieces, and let Watari know that he would wait for them outside. Watari said nothing to Iwaizumi’s tense figure, and simply nodded in response.

Stepping outside, Iwaizumi took deep gusts of air into his lungs and looked at his shaking hands. Clenching his hands into fists, he shoved them both into his pockets before he realized he was being watched by someone who stood right next to him. Iwaizumi looked to his right and felt his face slacken in surprise as he saw Kyoutani standing there, casually smoking a cigarette. _“Mad dog-chan!”_ a faint echo said in the back of his head. Iwaizumi had forgotten that Yahaba had mentioned Kyoutani would be coming and joining them later for dinner since he was visiting. Kyoutani nodded in greeting and grunted out an “ossu.”

“Ah. Ossu,” Iwaizumi returned, and the two stood in awkward silence while maintaining intense eye contact. Kyoutani averted his eyes first with a small ‘tch’, and Iwaizumi cracked a smile. _Still as competitive as ever_. Facing the street and bouncing between his toes and heels, Iwaizumi fidgeted restlessly beside Kyoutani as they waited for Yahaba to finish.

“Do you need a cigarette?” Kyoutani asked gruffly, holding out a box. Iwaizumi whipped his head around to look at him with wide eyes. “… You look tense,” Kyoutani grit out around his cigarette, and Iwaizumi nearly barked out a laugh. _If_ Kyoutani _of all people is telling me I look tense_ , Iwaizumi thought before shaking his head. He felt an automatic refusal about to fall out of his mouth on the tip of his tongue –

_“I hate the smell of smoke.”_

\- before the words fell flat and Iwaizumi just said “fuck it. Give it here.”

Hanamaki and Matsukawa found Iwaizumi chain smoking the very next week while he waited for them for their routine weekly dinner at the izakaya, and the three shared dumbfounded expressions before Matsukawa lunged and wrestled Iwaizumi for the pack and Hanamaki called up Yahaba and Kyoutani to yell at them about ruining Iwaizumi’s virgin lungs.

They managed to convince Iwaizumi to smoke less and smoke 3 cigarettes a day, one with every meal, and Iwaizumi begrudgingly agreed.

On the same day they have that conversation, Hanamaki attempted to casually mention that the (always) absent member of their party broke up with their girlfriend. Iwaizumi nodded quietly and stood up immediately to suck down a cigarette (or five).

Hanamaki and Matsukawa never mention him again after that.

\--

The second year of university started with the inevitable increase of their workloads and assessments, and Matsukawa began to inhale cigarettes by Iwaizumi’s side, the two of them holding up peace signs as Hanamaki lectured them both exasperatedly, slowly but surely losing the battle, wishing there was someone else there to lecture them with him.

\--

After 8 months, Iwaizumi felt as though the hole in his chest wasn’t gaping wide and bleeding by the truckload anymore, and he walked into his local Lawson mart. After purchasing some bread, Iwaizumi wandered his way over to the park with the large cherry blossom tree _he_ used to love – _don’t think about it_ – and settled himself onto a – _their_ – park bench. The pond glistened in the day light, and the ducks (not ducklings anymore) were sitting peacefully in the grass. Iwaizumi crinkled the plastic open to tear off some pieces of bread, and the ducks looked in his direction.

After tearing the bread into small pieces and crumbs, as he began to throw them, he could’ve sworn he heard _“You brute Iwa-chan! Break the bread into smaller pieces, how can the ducks chew like you and your barbaric teeth_?” Iwaizumi sucked in a breath as the ducks quacked around him happily, and he brought a forefinger and thumb to the bridge of his nose as he screwed his eyes shut and willed the tears (and voices) away.

Iwaizumi dusted the crumbs from his jeans as he stood up, and walked away without further incident. It didn’t feel like tearing a limb off when he left the park without idle chatter in his ear and two arms wrapped around his left arm (always his left) anymore, and he could finally breathe a little easier.

\--

A year had passed, and Hanamaki deemed it safe enough to ask.

“What happened?”

Iwaizumi blinked at the question that seemingly came out of nowhere, the three of them spaced around a table with their study materials laid out in Waseda’s University library. He wasn’t stupid though, and knew exactly what Hanamaki was asking, especially with Matsukawa’s knowing stare as he too waited for an answer. Iwaizumi tried to feign ignorance for about a minute longer before blowing out a huge sigh.

“Can I have a smoke first-”

“No,” the two deadpanned, and Iwaizumi looked to his fellow smoker in betrayal, to which Matsukawa simply shrugged. Iwaizumi picked up his pen again and began to fiddle with it as he tried to find the right thing to say.

Tried to put into words how the two of them got together at the end of high school so suddenly, so _fiercely_ , to burn brighter and brighter and hotter together until just as suddenly, without caution or warning, they exploded, and then they were done. Dimly, Iwaizumi realizes that their love was a bit like the stars that _he_ had loved so much.

_“Iwa-chan, are you listening? Isn’t it fascinating? Stars can form from a stellar nebula, become a massive star, and then become a red supergiant!” Iwaizumi was sitting on the couch with a warm, tall body tucked against him, fluffy brown hair tickling his cheeks. When He looked up at him, His eyes at the time were shining, like the stellar nebula had expanded in his eyes until he had stars too. In His hands was an astrology text book._

_“Mhmm. What does that mean,” Iwaizumi asked dully with a straight face._

_“Our sun is a red giant! It’s when the star burns the hottest and brightest and then goes into its final stages of dying! When it explodes, it becomes a supernova!” He gushed._

_“Explodes? So then what happens after it? Does it just disappear?” Iwaizumi asked, genuinely confused._

_“If the explosion is big enough, the supernova turns into a black hole. They’re like huge holes in space that have such strong gravitational pull, nothing can escape. Not even light!”_

_“God, you’re such a nerd,” Iwaizumi finally slipped, his dull composure cracking as he began to laugh and the other squawked in indignation and started a tickle fight that ended in a slow, leisurely make out on the couch._

Iwaizumi shrugged, swallowed the unwanted familiar lump in his throat as he answered with the ghost of a memory in the back of his eyes. “Our love was like the stars, I guess,” he said thickly. “We loved each other too much, too fast, and then we exploded.”


	3. Limbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I thought this was going to be just 3 chapters but my fingers and my head don't seem to be listening??
> 
> Here's the next chapter!
> 
> Thanks again for all your comments and tears, I promise this one hurts less than the last!!

A year and a half passed, and Iwaizumi graduated from university with a degree in economics minoring in political science. Hanamaki graduated in international studies and languages, and landed an interpreter gig for an internationally based company in Koto. Matsukawa, who went to Keio, graduated with a degree in literature and went to work for a huge publishing company in Shinagawa close to the airport.

3 months after graduating and job hunting, Iwaizumi managed to ace an interview and get a job in Kawasaki. Hanamaki and Matsukawa exchanged looks at this, and asked Iwaizumi if he was going to move out of _that_ apartment then.

“Hah? What for?” Iwaizumi asked from the other side of the restaurant table. Across him, Hanamaki’s brows furrowed whereas Matsukawa nudged Hanamaki in his side.

“You’re living at Ichigaya still. That’s a bit far isn’t it?” Hanamaki asked as Matsukawa silently chewed on his natto. Iwaizumi shrugged in response and continued eating at his mackerel dinner bento.

“It’s fine. I like it there.”

It’s the apartment he first moved into, after all, conveniently situated between Waseda and Keio, a spacious 1LDK that had everything he (they) needed. He liked the local duck pond at the park and that particular Lawson mart had the special brand of pudding he liked. If he didn’t live there, who was going to feed the ducks? Hanamaki and Matsukawa exchanged looks again and Iwaizumi’s fist clenched on his chopsticks.

“Your commute to work daily will be like an hour one way-”

“It’s fine,” Iwaizumi cut off brusquely, and a tense silence hovered in the air. “I’ll learn to drive or something,” Iwaizumi muttered under his breath, and Matsukawa and Hanamaki grinned at this, tension dissipating.

“I thought you never wanted to get into a car again in your whole life,” Matsukawa teased while Iwaizumi spluttered.

“That’s because your driving is shit! I thought I was gonna die!”

“Nah, he’s gotten better now! You should see him, obeying traffic laws and stopping at red lights for once!” Hanamaki added.

“What? What?? That’s what you’re _meant_ to do, what were you doing before? Matsukawa? _Matsukawa_!”

\----

Iwaizumi doesn’t see him again until 3 years have passed.

At first, he didn’t notice him, because Iwaizumi was spaced out walking home from work past an electronics store, but when the name gets repeated and Iwaizumi’s eyebrows furrowed because _hey, I know that name_ -

“- setter Oikawa Tooru smashes a service ace once again!” a TV sports commentator announced, excited and cheering along with the audience that could be heard in the background as well. Iwaizumi stopped in the middle of the footpath, uncaring of how much pedestrian traffic he was blocking as he turned his head to look at the several TV screens in the window front. On screen, Oikawa was smiling unabashedly, his hair getting ruffled by team mates and his back getting pounded by fists saying _job well done, get us another one_. He looked good, he looked older, his face a little sharper in the jawline, his cheeks a little less rounder, his neck a little prominent with muscles. The red uniform of Japan really suited him.

_Fuck._ He was beautiful.

Iwaizumi found himself entranced, watching as strangers ran their hands through Oikawa’s hair, a feeling he once knew, as his fingers twitched by his side. He kept watching, even as Oikawa slammed a 4th ball into the opponent’s court, but it was received and spiked back onto Japan’s side, Oikawa narrowly missing the ball. He kept watching, even as the game progressed and the scores slowly evened out and watched until the end, when Japan won by a 2 point lead out of deuce, and Oikawa’s face went back on screen, cheering and wild and ecstatic and-

_Happy_.

Iwaizumi brought a hand to his chest and expected to see blood, but wasn’t surprised to see that his hand came back clean again, uninjured and not dying like he thought he should be. He stared at his hand a little longer, felt the dull ache in his chest subside and then, he didn’t hurt anymore.

Iwaizumi always thought that the next time he laid eyes on Oikawa, he would die.

But he wasn’t dead, and he didn’t hurt.

A smile twitched onto his lips, and after 45 minutes of being rooted to the spot, Iwaizumi kept walking and went home.

Of course, 6 hours after that, Iwaizumi was sitting on the floor of his living room as he watched replays and old games of Japan’s volleyball games, and when he saw a cute, petite well-dressed girl with long black hair and cute bangs run up to Oikawa after a winning game and kiss him, Iwaizumi turned off the TV and drank himself into a stupor.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa found him the next morning after they let themselves in with the spare key, slumped over and cursing as he laid his upper body out on his coffee table, surrounded by cans and cans of beer, all fully or partially consumed.

\----

2 months after that fiasco, Hanamaki explained to Iwaizumi ‘that was Hana-chan, but Oikawa broke up with her like 5 months into the relationship. The game where she kissed him is at least a year old, when he was a second stringer’, at which Iwaizumi relaxed his tightening hold on his can of Asahi beer at the Japanese BBQ place they were sat at.

The restaurant that they’re at however has a TV set on the sports channel, and when the three of them divert their gazes to the TV, of course Oikawa is playing, and when they win that game too, a dark haired, stout male a little taller than Oikawa ran towards him, lifted him up in his red ‘Japan’ uniform and swung him around in joy. The only unfortunate thing about the matter was that the male looked similar to Kunimi, and the can in Iwaizumi’s hand crushed in on itself on the spot as Iwaizumi began to drunkenly yell and attempt to dial Kunimi’s number. Hanamaki was on damage control as he wrestled the phone away from Iwaizumi and reassured a confused Kunimi that ‘no, you didn’t do anything wrong, yes, this is Hanamaki-senpai, how are you?’ and Matsukawa wrestled with a wild Iwaizumi covered in beer.

The two bowed their heads and formally apologised to the JBBQ restaurant’s owner as Iwaizumi stood a few metres away with his hands in his pockets, a little sobered up and a little embarrassed as he kicked a few stray pebbles on the gravel footpath.

The three of them agreed that Iwaizumi should quit following volleyball on TV after that.

\----

5 years later, Iwaizumi was doing well.

He was promoted three times in the 4 years he was working for his company, and his latest position dubbed him ‘Manager’ with a supervisorial role in charge of the employees on his floor. He worked from 7 to 3 (but often stayed behind until 6 or 8), worked out at the gym on a regular basis with newly reacquainted Sawamura ‘thighs’ Daichi, and went out frequently with either friends or coworkers.

Sugawara sometimes came and joined Daichi and Iwaizumi for their workouts, but more often than not Iwaizumi found him at his and Daichi’s shared apartment tearing into a packet of chips and watching a K-drama, turning around from the couch to face them and say cheerfully with crumbs on his cheeks ‘welcome home!’ Daichi smiled in a fond and exasperated way as he replied ‘I’m home,’ walking over to greet him with a quick peck that Iwaizumi found hard to watch, so he always diverted his eyes.

Iwaizumi was not a prude during those years. He went on blind dates, accepted confessions from starry eyed coworkers (but not the starry eyes _he_ had), and tried his best at rekindling the same fire of love he had felt all those years ago, but no one came close.

Eventually, they all ended the same, with a polite refusal and a genuine apology but ‘I’m sorry. I just don’t feel the same.’ Hanamaki and Matsukawa were exasperated, but left him alone for the most part. If Iwaizumi kept one personal photo on his work desk, and only the one, who was going to tell him to take it down?

\----

At Iwaizumi’s company, it was the end of crunch time, and several breaths of relief could be heard throughout the office.

“Ahh! What a pain! It’s all done!”

“Phew~ What a relief!”

“Let’s never do that again guys. Let’s all go out for drinks at SCHMATZ!”

“Ehh? That place again? Let’s go Kaiju sakaba!”

Iwaizumi sighed in relief as well at the end of the work day at 7 in the evening on a Thursday, and stretched out the kinks in his back as he listened to his floor celebrate their success. He was in the process of crossing his wrists and straightening out his left arm to the side in a stretch when he heard a solid knock on the door. Iwaizumi looked up and saw ruffled, short honey blonde hair and smiling eyes, belonging to Ichigo Mamoru from his team.

“I~waizumi- _san_!” Ichigo sang. Iwaizumi felt a smile on his face as he turned to face his employee.

“Ichigo. What can I do for you this Thursday night?” he asked. Ichigo brought his hand to his chin as though he was really pondering this response.

“Hm. I wonder what my hard-working boss could do to help us out. Oh! I know-”

“Iwaizumi-san! Come join us for drinks!” Kimura said cheerfully as she pushed Ichigo out of the way and leaned into his line of sight in the doorway. “To celebrate!”

“Oi! You stole my line!” Ichigo whined as he rubbed his back and Kimura pulled down an eyelid and stuck her tongue out at him. “Anyway,” Ichigo grumbled as he turned back to face his boss, “you should come with us! Let loose and drink a little!” Kimura was called away and left at the same time Iwaizumi’s eyes glanced down at the photo on his desk, which didn’t go unmissed by the fair-haired employee.

“Trust me, me letting loose is not a sight you want to see,” Iwaizumi joked weakly as he made eye contact again. Ichigo stared intently at his boss, and the two shared uncomfortable eye contact as Iwaizumi gently set the photo on his desk face down.

“Why don’t you invite Matsukawa-san and Hanamaki-san then? They tell me drunk stories of you all the time,” Ichigo tried to say nonchalantly, looking pointedly at the picture frame and Iwaizumi cleared his throat.

“Ah, no,” Iwaizumi answered, thinking that that was the _last time he would ever invite them to his office again,_ and Ichigo felt an annoyed tick in his face pull into a sour expression as he went on to say-

“Then. Why don’t we invite the fourth guy in that photo-”

“ _Ichigo,_ ” Iwaizumi warned lowly, and like always, the topic was dropped. Ichigo huffed a breath out of his nose and forced a shrug.

“Fine! Be boring then, but come eat with us? I’ll wait for you!” Ichigo persisted and Iwaizumi chuckled.

“Sure, let me get my jacket-” at that moment, Iwaizumi’s office phone rang and Ichigo watched as he picked up and answered the phone in a professional tone. “Iwaizumi.”

_“Oh, Iwaizumi-kun_ ,” Iwaizumi’s boss filtered through the phone line. _“I’m glad I caught you before you left.”_

“What can I do for you sir?” Iwaizumi replied, and Ichigo groaned in annoyance. Iwaizumi quirked a small smile at him and held up a finger for him to be quiet. Feeling heat flush his cheeks and his ears, Ichigo pursed his lips and went quiet.

_“I actually have something to discuss with you before you leave for the long weekend, could you come up to my office_?” his boss asked, and Iwaizumi nodded before answering verbally.

“Of course. I’ll be right up.” The two exchanged quick ‘goodbyes’ and ‘see you soon’s and Ichigo pouted.

“Does this mean you’re not coming out with us then?” Ichigo sulked as a voice in the office called out ‘Ichigo! Hurry your ass, we’re leaving!’ Iwaizumi chuckled and lifted his suit jacket off the back of his chair as he put it on.

“I can join you guys afterwards, go on without me,” Iwaizumi said gently, and Ichigo pouted once again as they heard a ‘ _hurry up!_ ” in the background. Ichigo agreed reluctantly and left with a small wave as Iwaizumi locked up his office and took the elevator to the 10th floor.

“I’ll be waiting for you at the restaurant~!” Ichigo called out with a hand cupped around his mouth before the elevator doors closed, and Iwaizumi quirked his signature crooked smile at him before the doors slid closed. Ichigo's hand faltered on the way down as his heart did a little skip.

A fellow coworker elbowed Ichigo roughly as they proceeded to take the stairs down to the lower floors and take a separate elevator to the main exit of the building.

“Give it up Mamoru, Iwaizumi-san’s going to remain a single and lonely old prude for the rest of his life!”

“Ah! Don’t say that, it’s such a waste! All those muscles and his looks!” Kimura scolded, knocking the back of the male’s head.

“It’s true though!”

“Hmph. Well I don’t wanna,” Ichigo said stubbornly as the group turned to look at him. “I won’t give up,” he said with a smirk, and his coworkers shrugged and changed topics as they loudly discussed what they would eat. Ichigo had his mind half on the conversation, and the other half lingering on the photo in his boss’ desk upstairs that lay alone, face down in the dark. It was his boss when he was younger, flanked by 3 other guys. 2 of them were Matsukawa-san and Hanamaki-san, but the fourth was an unknown; a beautiful male with long, lithe limbs and a gorgeous smile with fluffed brown hair, one arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders as he pressed their cheeks together and held out a peace sign with the other. Determined, Ichigo set his lips into a thin line.

_I won’t give up_.

\--

“Sorry?” Iwaizumi asked as he blinked, sitting across his boss in his spacious office with floor length windows.

“Iwaizumi-kun, please take a holiday,” his boss, Igarashi-san, gently pleaded. “You’ve been with us for four years, and not once have you taken a holiday.”

“Sir, it’s fine, I really don’t need one-”

“It’s also an issue of you accumulating too many hours of leave, and not taking any of it, Iwaizumi-kun,” his boss said gently, but firmly, and Iwaizumi clenched the hands on his knees into fists. “Please, after this long weekend, I don’t want to see you at my office. You did well this year, take time off and relax,” he coaxed. Iwaizumi blew out a small breath and nodded.

“… yes sir.” Satisfied, his boss leaned back in his chair and smiled. “For how long should I take my leave?” Iwaizumi asked as he looked up again.

“Hm, from my understanding Mika-chan from HR told me you have to take at least a month off.”

“ _A month?!”_

\--

Which was how Iwaizumi found himself standing at the bustling hub of Tokyo Station, alone with a large, blue suitcase by his side, his backpack on his right shoulder and his phone in his hand at 11 o clock at night.

**Hanamatsukawaizumi (3 participants)**

**Makki ʘ** **‿** **ʘ 22:53**

ur going home without us?!

**Mattsun** **・** **㉨** **・** **22:53**

For shame Iwaizumi Hajime.

**Iwaizumi (╬** **ಠ** **益** **ಠ** **) 22:56**

my boss is forcing me to. I didn’t ask for this.

**Makki ʘ** **‿** **ʘ 22:56**

For shame.

**Mattsun** **・** **㉨** **・** **22:56**

For shame.

 **Iwaizumi (╬** **ಠ** **益** **ಠ** **) 22:57**

Get fucked.

 **Mattsun** **・** **㉨** **・** **22:58**

I’m trying.

**Makki ʘ** **‿** **ʘ 23:00**

tell my mumma I say hi and bring me cream puffs frm tht old crnr shop we went to back in Seijou.

**Iwaizumi (╬** **ಠ** **益** **ಠ** **) 23:00**

Dude, I’ll be gone for a month. They’ll be off by then.

**Mattsun** **・** **㉨** **・** **23:00**

Are we taking requests? I want that tantanmen we had when we lost to Karasuno that one time.

 **Iwaizumi (╬** **ಠ** **益** **ಠ** **) 23:01**

Are you fuckin listening?

wait, how is that even reasonable???

 **Mattsun** **・** **㉨** **・** **23:01**

it’s alright, they do takeaway.

**Makki ʘ** **‿** **ʘ 23:02**

O so does tht crnr shop.

Iwaizumi idly wheeled his suitcase onto the train to Sendai when it pulled up onto the platform, still furiously texting the group and telling them they were bad for his blood pressure as they continued to ask for unreasonable shit. He settled into a seat and wheeled his suitcase out of the way, setting his bag on the seat next to him and saying his goodnights to the group when he received an SMS text.

**Ichigo Mamoru - 11:19pm**

Iwaizumi-saaaan. R u comingg?

Iwaizumi paused, staring at the message and wondering how to phrase his response when he huffed a sigh out of his nose and looked out the window. He jiggled his foot as he pressed the palm of his hand to his mouth, and then typed up a response.

**You – 11:26pm**

Sorry Ichigo. Not tonight.

‘m also going back home to Miyagi for a bit, so take care alright?

Kenchi will be in charge while I’m gone so don’t cause him grief.

Oddly enough, after this Iwaizumi doesn’t get a text back from the usually chatty Ichigo, and he furrowed his brows as he stared down at his phone. About an hour into his train ride, Iwaizumi felt his phone buzz as he dozed off from his quick nap, and looked down at his notification screen.

**Ichigo Mamoru - 12:03am**

K.

Frowning at the response, Iwaizumi shrugged tiredly before going back into a doze, waiting until the train announced he was at Sendai. 30 minutes later, Iwaizumi’s head bounced in midair as he jolted awake at the train voice saying the next stop was Sendai. He yawned and stretched out all his limbs and slipped his backpack straps on, carrying his suitcase up the steps to alight the train. After rolling to the train turnstiles and tapping off with his suica card, Iwaizumi checked his phone and read the time to be 12:42am.

Not wanting to wake his parents (whom he had the intention of surprising), Iwaizumi booked a night in the first hotel he could see, and brushed his teeth and tossed on an old training shirt and a pair of sweats before laying face down in the squeaky, uncomfortable single mattress and promptly falling asleep.

That night, he dreamed of airy laughter and the sound of rushing water under a bridge; shiny, round eyes and water that glistened like starlight in damp, brown hair, and the image of pink, soft lips etched into his memory.

Iwaizumi woke the next morning without a clue as to why his chest ached and he felt uneasy, and simply put it to the fact that he slept poorly in a lumpy old hotel bed and checked himself out at 8:30am. He hustled himself onto a bus for the next 40 minutes and walked for another 35 until he found home sweet home, the old yellow exterior faded to cream, and the tiles looking a little worse for wear.

He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, feeling nervous and uneasy for some reason, and just as he opened the front gate he heard an ‘oh’ somewhere to his left. Heart racing, Iwaizumi froze on the spot and slowly turned his head to the left, to the white house and the blue roof tiles and saw-

He sighed a little in relief but maintained awkward eye contact with Oikawa’s father, Hideki, who stood on the front porch with a cup of what Iwaizumi knew to be barley tea in his hand. Iwaizumi nodded his head and Hideki nodded back, shuffling inside the home after an unnecessary moment more of prolonged eye contact. Iwaizumi blinked many times, unsure if he actually saw the man or if he imagined it, until he heard running come from the Oikawa home, and Oikawa Aiko, with her free flowing, long brown hair rushed out of the front door and stopped at the sight of him.

“Hajime-chan!” she squealed, rushing down the steps in her flowy dark brown skirt as she shuffled/ran to him in her house slippers and jumped into his arms.

_God,_ Iwaizumi thought as tears sprung into his eyes and he caught the small, petite and beautiful woman in his arms. He practically inhaled her scent as he held her and she excitedly bounced in his arms, Hideki bumbling out behind her in sensible outdoor sandals as he smiled warmly at him over her bouncing figure. He had forgotten how much he had missed these people and this place. In the whirlwind of drama, he had forgotten these people had practically raised him alongside his own parents.

“Aunty, uncle,” Iwaizumi said tightly and Aiko leaned back to look up at Iwaizumi and appraise him.

“Look at you! You’re so handsome now! Are you taller? Is that a beard? What are you doing now? Why haven’t you come visit more often?” she bombarded him with questions, and Hideki gently pulled her away.

“Ai, let’s leave him to settle down first” Hideki said kindly as he nodded to Iwaizumi’s suitcase and the fact that he probably had lanky, oily and flat hair and 5 o clock shadow from sleeping around in uncomfortable places on his trip to Miyagi. Aiko gushed and apologized in the same breath, but remembered something as she frowned.

“Ah! But Misa-chan went out for the day, and your father won’t be home until dinner. Do they know you’re coming? Misa-chan would have told me if you were!”

“Ah, no, they don’t know I’m here. I wanted to surprise them,” Iwaizumi said fondly. But the longer he stood there talking to aunty and uncle, the longer his anxiety had to fester, as he began to think _where’s Tooru? What’s_ he _doing? Does_ he _come home?_ Aiko went on to try and make conversation on the street and once again, Hideki pulled her back, this time with a palm to her mouth as he waved an apology and half dragged, half guided her back into the Oikawa household much to Iwaizumi’s relief.

“Hajime-kun, settle down first and put your things away, and then come over for tea when you’re ready, okay? Do you have your house keys?” Hideki said, and Iwaizumi nodded his thanks as he replied with a small ‘yes, sir’. Aiko waved enthusiastically as Hideki closed the front door, and Iwaizumi was left alone again. He searched through his backpack as he made it to his front door, and pulled out his old set of keys to the house and smiled to himself when the lock clicked open and the door gave way.

For a few minutes, he stood just inside the genkan as he breathed in the familiar scent of timber and potpourri, his backpack at his feet on the floor and his suitcase just behind him. He brushed the wall beside him as memories flooded his mind, all of them fond and some of them a little painful, but eventually took his hand away. He carried his bag in one hand and lifted the side handle of his suitcase with the other as he climbed the stairs to his right and paused in front of the first door to his left.

It still had an old magnetic board hanging on the front at his chest level now, with colourful hiragana magnets that spelt out ‘Iwaizumi Hajime’ on it, along with small magnets of dinosaurs and one astronaut.

(It used to say ‘and Tooru’s room’ too, with mismatched hiragana magnets, but his mother must have had the tact to take it down since-)

Iwaizumi gently pushed open the partially ajar door, and sighed in nostalgia. Nothing had changed, it was still the same old layout, with his bed pushed against the window on the far side of the room to the right hand side, and his study desk propped beside it with his sliding paper wardrobe right across it.

_“I like Iwa-chan’s room best!”_

Iwaizumi set his suit case along the wall to his immediate right, and zipped it open to get a few things ready if he was going to stay in Miyagi for a while. When Iwaizumi was granted his leave, he toyed with the idea of travelling overseas, but the thought of past promises – _“Iwa-chan, we’ll travel the world together, so you have to wait for me okay?” “Aren’t you scared of planes?” “I said wait!!”_ – made his chest feel funny, so he cast the idea aside and decided it was time to come back home instead.

He hadn’t been home since 5 years ago, because every time he thought of home he couldn’t shake the thought of brown eyes and shy smiles out of his head, so he delayed it every time, telling his disappointed mother ‘I’m too busy’, or ‘work needs me’. The thought of coming home when _his_ family lived next door and their memories couldn't be differentiated between them made the fear in his bones rattle, so Iwaizumi never made the trip home.

But this time, as Iwaizumi took a breath he surveyed the small bedroom once more, and knew he was okay.

He could still remember every sleep over, every giggle and every moan as the two grew older together in this room, but it didn’t feel like dying. It felt a little melancholy, but at least he wasn’t bleeding to death from the pain of remembering it all. With that, Iwaizumi strengthened his resolve and grabbed a fresh change of clothes and headed to his bathroom to shower.

It was a little old fashioned, with the shower head and the taps positioned mid-height in the wall in front of a stool right beside the bath tub, but it was what Iwaizumi grew up with. Iwaizumi lathered up his hair with the convenience store shampoo his mother always bought for the home – _“Iwa-chan, your bathroom is so much cooler than mine!”_ – and rinsed it out methodically. He soaped up his body next – _“Iwa-chan, let’s bathe together today!” “I’m 9 now Tooru, I’m too old for baths.” “Mama takes baths all the time and she’s way older than 9!”_ – and rinsed that off too, before carefully drying off with a towel and dressing into a plain white singlet and his comfiest pair of jeans.

He headed downstairs with a towel around his neck to dry off his spikes when he moseyed over to the fridge to see if there were any leftovers to feed on. There weren’t any leftovers to his stomach’s disappointment, but there were 2 leftover onigiris on the shelf, so he took those and chewed on them while surveying the rest of his home.

Not much had changed; the carvings in the doorframe where his parents measured his height growing up were still there, and the ugly purple flower painting he hated was still hanging up on the side corridor where his mother liked it. They moved the TV over however so that the couch would fit in the room better against the far wall, and Iwaizumi nodded his approval to himself.

The onigiri were spicy pork flavoured to his delight, and he finished them quickly as he rolled the wrappers in his hand to throw them out. He walked over to the kitchen to throw out his rubbish when he noticed the bin was full. Smiling a little exasperatedly, he could tell this was a sign of war when his father and mother were both too stubborn to take the rubbish out without accusing the other, and if he didn’t throw it away, he knew a new rubbish bag would appear beside the full bin and cause a mess.

Iwaizumi dutifully picked up the bag and tied it off as he opened the back door to head down the few steps to his rubbish bins at the back in his family yard. As he opened the rubbish bin and tossed the bag away, he heard clipping in the yard next to him. Knowing Aiko loved her gardening and her flowers, Iwaizumi turned around to greet her again just as the snipping sounds had stopped. What he saw, was not Oikawa’s mother Aiko, but Oikawa Tooru himself, dressed in a baggy white t shirt with a sunhat hanging off the back of his neck, and the two stared at each other in unguarded shock with their mouths dropped open. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet （´υ｀）
> 
> I'll finally have them talking again in the next chapter, so I apologise for the cliff hanger. I hope everyone is enjoying it so far!


	4. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am back! I'm thinking that 5 chapters should be correct, and will get us through this hot mess together. Thanks again for the comments, I feel so loved reading them and knowing you guys liked my stories enough to say something about them to me! (*´∇｀*)
> 
> Without further ado, here is their reunion ~

For several long moments, the only sound between them was the rustle of the breeze as it blew between them, carelessly tossing soft, brown locks in the wind and Iwaizumi watched, mesmerized as he tried to burn the image in front of him into his memory.

Oikawa definitely looked older now in person. He had a few sunspots along the bridge of his nose, and his face had slimmed. He looked slimmer in real life, not as muscled as Iwaizumi remembered seeing him on TV, his slender neck partially obscured by the sun hat that kept blowing with the wind, hanging on his neck by a thin cord. His lashes were as long as Iwaizumi remembered them to be though, brown eyes wide and doe like as his mouth still hung a little open, but not as wide as it did earlier with the initial shock.

_God, you’re so beautiful_ , Iwaizumi thought painfully, words springing to his mind forcefully. _I must be dead. Tell me I’m dreaming-_

The moment was broken when a strong upwind suddenly ruffled Iwaizumi’s hair upwards and brought Oikawa’s sunhat to the front of his face, effectively smacking him and Iwaizumi could not for the life of him understand how such a beautiful image could be ruined in a single instant unless he _wasn’t_ dead.

“Geh!” Oikawa spluttered, and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but let a puff of laughter escape. Time seemed to move at a normal pace this time as he watched Oikawa helplessly flail until he took the hat away from his face and placed it on his head instead, holding onto the wide brim in case it decided to go waywards and smack him in the face again. Oikawa was openly staring at Iwaizumi now, spluttering. “I-I-Iwa-ch- Iwaizu- Hajim-?!” Iwaizumi raised a brow as he verbally watched Oikawa have a mental breakdown over what to call him after so many years. A sudden tidal wave of fondness rushed over him and despite not wanting to ruin the moment, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but open his mouth and say-

“How lame.” This caused Oikawa to flush a pretty shade of indignant pink as he began to puff up in anger like a cat.

“ _Iwa-chan_!” Oikawa screeched and relief flooded Iwaizumi’s system so suddenly, he doubled over in laughter. He laughed and laughed to the sounds of Oikawa whinging and complaining in the background, and _god, I missed this, I missed this-_

_I missed you._

Once he felt the laughter subside, Iwaizumi stood up and wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes and once again looked at Oikawa. Oikawa, who was still annoyed, but sporting a pretty and embarrassed flush, still clutching the sunhat by the brim with two hands, pouting so cutely with his wide eyes and his lips that did that wobbly little line they curled into when he was displeased about something.

And as suddenly as a freight train, Iwaizumi was hit by the fact that even though this feeling of being in Oikawa’s presence felt so natural, felt so _right_ , this was their first time meeting in 5 years after _that day_. Suddenly, Iwaizumi felt cold rush over his being, sweeping the relief away and replacing it with uncertainty, and Oikawa must’ve felt it as well, because he looked more insecure now, less embarrassed and more upset as the two males with 16 years of history between them stood in front of one another as almost strangers.

“Tooru! Did you prune the bushes like I asked?” Aiko’s voice sounded throughout the house, and she appeared soon after in the back doorway. Oikawa and Iwaizumi still maintained eye contact at the sound of her approach, but broke away once she stepped up to Oikawa’s side. “Oh, Hajime-chan!” she called out once she noticed the other boy, waving. “Have you settled in yet? Can you come over now for tea?” At this, Oikawa turned to his mother in betrayal.

“Mama! You _knew_ he was here?!” he squawked, voice pitched a little higher than he probably would have liked and oh boy could Iwaizumi see this getting awkward real fast.

“I told you he came back this morning silly,” she teased, slapping Oikawa’s arm none too gently.

“I thought you were teasing me aga-!” Oikawa immediately snapped his mouth shut and turned to look at Iwaizumi’s perplexed look. “Shut up!!” Oikawa shouted, pointing a finger at Iwaizumi angrily as Iwaizumi felt his blood pressure rise.

“Haah? I didn’t even say anything!?”

“Ughh Mama!” Oikawa cried, pulling the brim of his hat down to cover his red ears on both sides. “Look what you’ve done!”

“She didn’t even do anything!?” Iwaizumi yelled in confusion over his whining. Aiko just laughed in the background as she pat Oikawa’s back, standing there as though this was a normal occurrence and not the reunion of two men who broke up and lived a miserable existence for the last 5 years.

“Hajime-chan, come over for tea!” she called, still rubbing Oikawa’s back.

“No!” Oikawa cried out. Iwaizumi felt his temper flare.

“What the hell Stupidkawa? Why not?!” Iwaizumi said back with a fist held up.

“Because it’s my house and I said so, so nyeh~” Oikawa whined, pulling an eye lid down and waving his other hand in the air, waggling his fingers in the _exact_ way Iwaizumi used to hate. “Stuupid, _stuuupid_ \- ow!! Mama!” Oikawa whined as his mother punched a fist to the top of Oikawa’s head.

“That is _no way_ to speak to a guest do you hear me?” she scolded. “Now stop your complaining so Hajime-chan can come over and join us for some tea!”

“No! I don’t want him to come over!”

“ _Tooru_!”

“Shittykawa!”

“No! Don't want!”

“You’re such a shitty person-”

“Oya oya? What’s all the ruckus out here?” an eerily calm voice called out to the back yard. Born from years of well trained discipline, Iwaizumi and Oikawa stiffened up where they stood and shut _the hell up immediately_ as Oikawa Hideki stood with his arms crossed and an eerily calm smile on his face, with his eyes crinkled closed.

Years of punishment and discipline where Oikawa and Iwaizumi both sat in silence in _seiza_ position after causing trouble or being naughty sprung to Iwaizumi’s mind; the feeling of numb legs and painful pins and needles ghosting the back of his mind as he remembered sitting in a kneeling position with Oikawa by his side and their heads bowed in shame as Hideki cross legged in front of them with his arms firmly crossed until they both reflected on their actions and eventually apologized for their wrongdoings.

Despite his kind and calm exterior, Oikawa Hideki ruled with a firm first; Oikawa may have been a brat but he was a well-disciplined brat.

Aiko huffed in pride as her husband stepped in over the loud bickering, and Oikawa pouted with his fists clenched by his sides.

“Hajime-kun, you’ll come over for tea won’t you?” Hideki asked from the top step of his back porch.

“Erm, actually, I was thinking that I might-” Iwaizumi back pedalled immediately.

“I wasn’t asking,” Hideki interrupted calmly, and Iwaizumi swallowed as he froze on the spot, feeling sweat drip down his forehead. Oikawa too had the same look on his face, eyes wide in fear with his lips tilted upwards the same way Keroppi the frog did.

“…Yes, sir,” Iwaizumi acquiesced quietly, and the smile on Hideki’s face shifted from deadly to flowery and bright.

“Excellent!” he cheered as Aiko cheered with him and clapped her hands. “Tooru, why don’t you come in and help setup for him,” he said jovially, and Oikawa simply nodded with that Keroppi smile on his face and followed his mother back inside the house. After the two were out of sight, Hideki turned his attention to Iwaizumi and kept smiling, but it was genuine in its affection, and Iwaizumi’s chest began to ache again. Hideki eventually went inside too, and Iwaizumi exhaled loudly.

 _I’m more stressed here than I am at work_ , Iwaizumi thought ironically to himself before going inside his home to get a sweater. Spring could get cold at night, and who knew how long he was going to be kidnapped at the Oikawa home.

 _I kind of want to die_ , Iwaizumi thought to himself, stressed beyond hell and still smiling like a grimace, carrying a grey, v-neck woolen sweater with him as he stood near the front door of the Oikawa home, a house that practically acted as his second home as he was growing up. Just as he stood there, the front door with partial frosted glass creaked open and Oikawa peeked through the gap, recoiling in shock as he actually saw Iwaizumi standing there a few metres down the walkway.

“Geh,” Oikawa reacted, and Iwaizumi felt a vein pop in his forehead.

“What’s with the ‘geh’? Invite me in you rude shit,” Iwaizumi scolded, and immediately bit his lip as he instantly regretted those words. _Shit, I haven’t seen him in years and this is how I’m fucking talking? Good one Hajime._ Oikawa harrumped at his words as he pouted in annoyance and he swung the door open wider than necessary, stomping away awkwardly from the front door and waiting at the corner wall that opened up into the living room beside the genkan. Iwaizumi sighed under his breath and moved forward. _Here goes nothing._

Iwaizumi stepped into the modernised home and began to slip off his sneakers in the genkan, and as he bent over to arrange the shoes next to each other nicely, Iwaizumi saw Oikawa’s expression change from mocking, ready to lay out a barrage of insults, to genuine surprise. Iwaizumi felt a little smidge of smug satisfaction from making Oikawa speechless as he neatly lay the two shoes together by the side, his own eyes cast downwards, but it was short lived because he knew what was coming next. If Oikawa couldn’t insult you or make fun of you the first time, he would back handedly compliment you just as fast, something like _“oh, I guess even savages like Iwa-chan can learn how to line their shoes up nicely,”_.

But when Iwaizumi lifted his head and looked at the other male expectantly, Oikawa simply looked at him in wonder, no traces of malice or ill will on his face. Iwaizumi’s face dropped into quiet surprise.

_Oh,_ both males thought at the same time. _He’s changed._

Iwaizumi let his gaze linger on Oikawa a little longer, before Oikawa averted his eyes first and moved his body aside to let Iwaizumi through.

“Come on in,” he mumbled awkwardly, and Iwaizumi could feel the tension increase ten-fold. When the hell did Oikawa ever have to invite him into his home like this. Iwaizumi had always used to walk in on his own accord like he lived there too; knew where they kept the spare key so that he could wake Oikawa up when they were late for school. He wanted to ask when they had become strangers, when did they ever have to go through formalities like this, but he would have been lying to himself if he said he didn’t know when.

_“I’m leaving now, Hajime.”_

The memory pushed Iwaizumi forward with the taste of ash in his mouth, and he awkwardly trailed after Oikawa towards the sitting room with a respectable distance between them. Iwaizumi’s eyebrows furrowed as he noticed Oikawa walk a little strangely, but instead of wanting to bring it up, he dug through his mind for an appropriate question to ask; something that didn’t overstep his boundaries as _the ex he hasn’t seen for 5 years and never bothered to check in with._

“Uhm. Where’s nee-san?” Iwaizumi asked Oikawa with a thick tongue, and ahead of him, Oikawa shrugged.

“At home in Sendai,” he replied just as awkwardly, and Iwaizumi nodded his head as he replied with a quiet “I see.”

_What are you doing here?_ He was dying to ask. _How does it feel to be playing for Japan?_

_I always knew you could do it,_ he wanted to say. _I still miss you_.

The two made their way to their own arm chair sat across each other over a coffee table, where Hideki was sitting at the head of it in his own chair, a cup of barley tea already cradled in his hands. A pot of what Iwaizumi could smell to be genmaicha tea was steaming gently on the coffee table, two cups prepared in front of himself and Oikawa. In the open sitting area, Iwaizumi could hear Aiko humming and singing to herself in the kitchen along with the sound of chopping.

“Aunty, won’t you be joining us?” he called out towards the direction of the kitchen. Aiko popped her head around the corner with smiling eyes.

“Oh, I just want to prepare a feast for you since you’re back now!” she said by way of explanation. Iwaizumi sat up straighter in his seat. “Don’t worry about me~!”

“Oh! Do you need any help?” he asked earnestly, and both Aiko and Hideki laughed.

“What we need you to do, son, is to relax,” Hideki laughed and Aiko retreated back to the kitchen, sing-songing about what a kind man Iwaizumi had grown up into. Iwaizumi blushed and focused on pouring out a cup of tea for himself. He leaned over a little further to pour a cup of tea for Oikawa too, and when he glanced up, he saw Oikawa staring at him expressionlessly. Iwaizumi quickly glanced down again, and muttered a ‘here you go’ under his breath, as Oikawa startled as though he came out of a trance.

“Ah, thank you,” Oikawa mumbled, and Iwaizumi felt his face twist in discomfort at the formal words, it was so _awkward, he hated it, **hated it**_ -

“So! What are you doing now Hajime? Your mother tells me that you’re working as a hot shot boss at Kawasaki in corporate?” Hideki spoke, as though nothing had changed. Iwaizumi relaxed a little at this, and loosened his clenched fists on his knees.

“Ah, nothing too big,” Iwaizumi replied. “I’m the manager of my floor at the business, so I’m in charge of supervisorial roles and stuff.”

“Oh? That’s pretty impressive, didn’t you join not too long ago?” Hideki commented, and Iwaizumi could see Oikawa sit up a little straighter in his seat across him.

“Erm, it’s been a while since I’ve been with Igarashi-san,” Iwaizumi said. “Maybe 4 years now? S’not that impressive,” he went on to grumble.

“Ah, humble as ever Hajime-kun,” Hideki said happily into his tea. “Unlike someone over here,” Hideki glanced slyly over at Oikawa.

“You told me I’m a lot better now than I used to be!” Oikawa pouted, crossing his arms as his cheeks puffed.

“A peacock will always be a peacock,” Hideki said sagely, and Iwaizumi burst into small laughter. Oikawa ‘hmph’ed and turned his head away from his father, seemingly remembering his tea at the last second and grabbing it to angrily drink it. “So what brings you back to little Miyagi?” Hideki asked Iwaizumi again, and he struggled to keep the smile off his face after laughing at Oikawa.

“Ah. My boss has pretty much forced me to go on a holiday,” Iwaizumi replied, scratching at his cheek. “I never took any time off in the time I was working, so I thought it would be good to come home and surprise mom and dad.” Hideki nodded at his reply.

“Misaki-chan will be so happy to see you again,” he said, not unkindly, and Iwaizumi tasted guilt on his tongue, well aware of how long had passed since he last visited home.

“How long will you be staying?” Oikawa’s voice piped up quietly, and Iwaizumi felt himself stiffen automatically as he turned to look at the third party of their conversation. Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa’s earnest, but determined face for a few seconds before remembering to reply.

“Ah. Maybe a week? I wanted to get a bit of travel in too,” Iwaizumi said slowly. Aiko chose this moment to come in with a plate of snacks, some homemade senbei and kakimochi. When Iwaizumi looked from the plate of snacks to Oikawa again, he noticed him studiously avoiding eye contact, thinking hard about something.

“Where were you thinking of going?” Aiko asked as she wiped her hands on the apron she wore. ‘Thanks aunty,’ Iwaizumi said as he grabbed a biscuit and began to chew, contemplating his answer.

“I’m considering a road trip or something, maybe towards Toyama? Or around there anyway,” he said pensively. “Nothing set in stone though,” he continued as he pushed the rest of the biscuit into his mouth.

“Oh!” Hideki said as he nodded, crossing his arms. “Good choice my boy.” Iwaizumi picked up a kakimochi to chew on to hide his smile; he thinks Hideki would have said that no matter what location he said. “You could go to the Tateyama Alpines,” he commented. Iwaizumi beamed at his answer, considering that was one of his main reasons for wanting to visit Toyama.

“Oh! How wonderful!” Aiko enthused. “I think they even have the Takayama Floats Festival going soon, don’t they?” Iwaizumi let out a little ‘ohh’ at the suggestion. He hadn’t considered it considering the festival was only biannual, but he may be able to make it because it was spring at the moment. Hideki was nodding his head again with his eyes closed in thought.

“There’s always Chubusangaku National Park,” Hideki added and Aiko bustled back to the kitchen.

“Yeah, I was thinking of maybe doing a few hikes and visiting a few hot springs,” Iwaizumi said thoughtfully, sipping at his tea with one hand, gripping the rim of the cup with his fingers to avoid the hot temperature of the cup.

“Getting in touch with your gorilla side,” Oikawa taunted, and Iwaizumi’s chest ached with the familiarity of it, eyes glancing over at him in surprise. After shutting his mouth, Oikawa looked just as surprised that he had said the words out loud. Iwaizumi snorted, a little comforted that the both of them were drowning, both a little out of their depth.

“You always did call Hajime-kun a gorilla for running in the forests and chasing bugs when you were kids,” Hideki commented, “but you always followed him without a beat of hesitation, so really, who’s the gorilla here? Monkey see, monkey do.” Iwaizumi had to set his tea down lest he spill it from laughing loudly, and Oikawa squawked at his father.

“Are you _my_ father or Iwa-chan’s?” he said indignantly. Hideki laughed good naturedly as Iwaizumi tried to quell his laughter.

“Will you follow him into the mountains this time?” Hideki teased, and Oikawa flushed in his spot. Iwaizumi’s chuckles died down after that as his chest began to ache again. There was no way Oikawa was going to go anywhere with him again.

Not after what happened.

Not when their relationship isn’t what it used to be.

“Oikawa wouldn’t have the time to spend with little old me,” Iwaizumi began bitterly, noticing Oikawa turn to look at him in the corner of his own eye. “As if your volleyball would let you have time for that,” he said self-deprecatingly, bringing himself to look at Oikawa directly with a weak smile. Immediately, the air in the room became stifling, and Oikawa’s face turned deadly. Iwaizumi felt his eyes widen as the tension in the room rose instantly, and he faltered as he racked his brain for whatever he said wrong. The silence began to stretch and Iwaizumi was starting to panic.

“Right,” Hideki said, slapping his hands onto his knees as he brought himself into a standing position. Iwaizumi’s eyes followed the sound, startled by the interruption. “I think it’s time I let you boys catch up then, hm?” he said before tactfully exiting the room. Moments passed in silence as Iwaizumi watched in confusion, tentative and unsure all of a sudden with the abrupt change in atmosphere and conversation. Turning back slowly, Iwaizumi looked back at Oikawa, who was sitting with his arms unnaturally straight, his hands on top of his knees. By the time Iwaizumi felt the silence become palpable, he realized Oikawa wasn’t going to speak first.

If at all.

“… Oikawa?” Iwaizumi called out quietly, and he saw Oikawa’s face twist into an ugly anger, his bottom lip turning white from how hard he was biting it, his shoulders raised and tense while his left hand clenched into a fist, but Iwaizumi noticed his right hand grab roughly at his right knee. The noises from the kitchen seemed to have stopped, and Iwaizumi could only hear the sound of his own breathing. Long stretches of silence passed, before Oikawa finally replied.

“I got injured,” he said forcefully, as though it took a great deal of effort to make the words come out of his mouth. “Tore my ACL.” Iwaizumi’s mouth formed a small ‘oh’ shape soundlessly as all his breath left him in a small _whoosh_. Iwaizumi felt a surge of emotions race through him, muddled and quick. _Are you okay?_ Was his concern talking. _You must be dying to play again_ , his sympathy voicing itself. _Did you overwork yourself again?_ As overbearing anger and worry mixed together.

_I should have been there for you_ , was the loudest of them all, regret and worry and anger at himself all laced into one.

“Oh.” The silence in between pauses was absolutely _deafening._ “When will it-”

 _When will it get better?_ Iwaizumi was about to ask.

“ _It won’t,_ ” Oikawa cut in venomously, and Iwaizumi’s breath stalled in his lungs. He watched Oikawa’s shoulders shake and his right hand grip even more painfully at his knee, the breaths he took shaky as he inhaled and kept his head down. Oikawa’s hair was a little longer than it used to be, looking a little thinner as well, as it hung over his eyes and Iwaizumi could hear him make an effort to not start crying on the spot.

Gutted, Iwaizumi didn’t know how to respond. How could he? In between the 5 years that they were separated, it was obvious they had changed. They both changed, and they grew up and apart, experiencing milestones and heartache without the other by their side, and there was so much of Oikawa that he didn’t know anymore.

… But what he did know, was that for as long as Iwaizumi knew him, Oikawa was a volleyball idiot through and through. For his whole life, Oikawa dedicated himself to the sport, spent all the free time that he could honing his skills and his intuition, getting dumped by girlfriends because of his single mindedness and his inability to value his partner over volleyball. He became so damn good at it, that he joined the _National Team of Japan._ This was just a fact of life. That was just who Oikawa Tooru was. Iwaizumi felt his expression twist into one of pain, as though he was the one being ripped of his life’s passion.

If Oikawa couldn’t play volleyball anymore… who was he?

_"I’m gonna play volleyball forever!”_

The silence hovered over them both, each of them suffering in their own way, as neither knew what to say next.

“… Hajime?” Aiko said softly, and Iwaizumi startled as he swung to face her. Hideki walked over and stood with his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder, as the latter began to hiccup with barely contained sniffles while his shoulders shook. “I think Misa-chan is coming home soon,” Aiko said quietly, and Iwaizumi took that as his cue to leave. He wanted to voice a refusal. He wanted to say _aunty please, let me stay here with him_ , but her face was pinched in sympathy and sadness, and she shook her head gently.

_You can’t be that person anymore_ , it felt like she was saying, and Iwaizumi felt his stomach drop. _You can’t be by his side, because you aren’t that person anymore._

Shocked, and wrecked from the grief tearing through him, Iwaizumi stood up and looked at Oikawa one last time, even as he felt Aiko’s guiding hand on his shoulder blade. Oikawa didn’t look up once, but Iwaizumi could see the dark, wet spotty patches that he had on his grey, flowy pants, and from the looks of it, the drops were still going, expanding and staining the fabric darker. Iwaizumi opened his mouth, but Aiko pushed him a little more firmly, and he found himself being ushered to the front door against his will. Iwaizumi stood on the timber flooring, just before the genkan, as he listened to the low, soothing voice of Hideki inside the house, and Iwaizumi clenched his fists. Turning around, he looked down at Aiko as tears built in his eyes.

“I!” he started, and Aiko kept watching him with her knowing, sad eyes. _I should have been there for him_ , he thought in anguish. “Is there anything I can do, aunty?” Iwaizumi said instead, and her eyes softened.

“Not this time, Hajime-chan,” Aiko said softly, and Iwaizumi felt his entire expression fall. “I don’t think you can.”

The next few moments passed in a blur, and Iwaizumi doesn’t remember how, but he stood on the footpath outside of the Oikawa residence’s front gate, and he watched Aiko mournfully wave before she shut the front door with a quiet click. He doesn’t know how long he stood there for, minutes, an hour maybe, before he heard his name being called to his right somewhere.

“Hajime?” a deeper feminine voice called out in surprise, and Iwaizumi turned his head to look at his mother. Iwaizumi Misaki stood a few metres away from their own home, holding groceries in each hand as she stared at Iwaizumi in shock. Almost at the same time, Iwaizumi felt his feet kick off as he briskly walked over to his mother, and she dropped her shopping bags and stepped forward to open her arms.

“Mom,” Iwaizumi said hoarsely, and he gathered his small mother in his arms and let his tears fall.

“Oh Hajime,” his mother said back, crying as she held her son in her arms for the first time in 5 years.

\----

After about an hour of fussing and scolding from his mother, Iwaizumi was sat at his dining table with his mother standing in front of him when she told him the news.

“Tooru-kun overworked himself in the lead up for the Japan tournament and tore right through the ACL in his right knee,” she explained clinically, having worked as the community nurse in their local clinic. Iwaizumi sucked in a breath sharply at hearing the diagnoses. “Damaged the surrounding ligaments and cartilage and almost tore right through his damn meniscus too,” she cursed under her breath, and Iwaizumi felt the hand he had on the table clench into a fist.

“When did this happen?” he asked tightly. Misaki blew out a sigh and looked toward the calendar hanging on the kitchen wall.

“Maybe 7 months ago now? It’s all been a blur. He’s been in a bad place for a long time now, and I’ve been helping poor Aiko out so that she doesn’t lose her damn mind over stressing,” his mother explained in a semi-detached manner, but this was how Iwaizumi knew his mother acted when she had to look at things professionally and hold herself together so that _she_ wouldn’t lose her damn mind over stressing. Iwaizumi’s mind flashed back to when he followed Oikawa into the house, saw him walk a little funny, but paid no mind to it because he was too busy wallowing in his own self-pity.

Almost afraid to hear the answer, Iwaizumi bit his lip, hesitating and opening and closing his mouth again and again until he could say it.

“… Can he play volleyball again?” Iwaizumi asked quietly. Misaki looked at her son directly and held their gaze for a few quiet moments before replying.

“… Coach took him off the team about a month after he tore it.” Iwaizumi let out a shaky breath as he felt as though the words gave a sucker punch in his gut. “I don’t think Tooru can ever play again. Not with what he did to it.” Iwaizumi breathed in and out heavily for a few moments, before slamming his fist into the table and bringing his other hand to his head.

“ _Shit_!”

“Hajime,” his mother scolded. Iwaizumi brought both his elbows onto his knees, his forehead pressed against his palms as he began to curse Oikawa and himself in his head, over and over.

 _Fucking idiot should have taken care of himself_ , he cursed. _Probably practiced and practiced until his knee got swollen and then just taped over it and covered it and practiced some more. Stupid Shittykawa,_ he cursed. Then, his anger turned into guilt, and he felt it wrap its hot, hot hands over his rapidly beating heart.

_… why didn’t I keep in touch with him?_ He mourned, thinking back to his years where he did _everything_ in his power to absolutely forget about him. _Could I not have asked him to just be friends? Was I that replaceable?_

_Am I that much of a shitty person?_

Iwaizumi began to despair as the thoughts began to run on repeat in his head, over and over until one single thought blared out over the rest.

_I should have been there for him_.

Just as the last thought in his head appeared, terrifying and horrible in its clarity, Iwaizumi felt himself cry again as he grit his teeth, and Misaki simply leaned next to him, lending him the warmth of her body as she rubbed soothing circles into his back. After standing together for a few minutes, and Misaki could tell the tears were slowing, she placed a firm hand on his shoulder, and felt her son’s hot, sweaty palm cover her small hand.

“Come on,” she coaxed quietly. “Rest up and think about something else. Aiko’s inviting us back to her house for dinner.” Iwaizumi nodded silently, and stood up to give his mother another long, lingering hug until he let go slowly and trudged his way up the stairs to his old bedroom. He stood there, hand lingering on the door frame as he stared at his bedroom, mostly unchanged for the last 20 years.

 _“Iwa-chan! Wanna play volleyball?”_ the voice in his head echoed, almost as if the moment happened yesterday. He saw Oikawa, 6 years old and excited as he picked up a new hobby and ran into Iwaizumi’s room to share it, as usual. He did it with every new excitable hobby he picked up, chopping and changing his activities nearly every week. But that day, Oikawa ran in with a brand new volleyball, and the bright, starry-eyed look in his eyes gave Iwaizumi a feeling of certainty that day.

_“Ou. Sure. Only if you stick with it this time and stop changing hobbies like every day,” 6 year old Iwaizumi said boredly through the gap in his front teeth. Oikawa grinned with his matching gap tooth, instead of whining ‘Iwa-chan mean!’ like Iwaizumi thought he would._

_“Nope! This one’s for sure. I’m gonna play volleyball forever.”_

Iwaizumi’s hand gripped the frame of his door even tighter, and he spat out a curse with every bit of hate he had in his body.

“ _Fuck_.”

\----

A few hours later, Misaki walked up to her son’s room to find him sitting on his bed in the dark, his elbows on his knees as he failed to turn on the light when the sun sank beneath the horizon.

“Hajime,” she called out gently. “Let’s go to dinner, ne?” For a moment, she wasn’t sure if he heard her, but he nodded his head and slowly got up, his face turned down and away from her. She went downstairs to give him his privacy, and waited for him at the genkan. He shuffled down about 5 minutes later, dressed in a heavy knitted navy jumper over a white collared shirt, and jeans. He sat on the edge of the genkan and slipped on a pair of sandals for the short walk over, and they both left the home and locked up the front door. Hajime’s father called in advance saying he had overtime, and Misaki didn’t bother ruining the surprise of their son’s return, telling him to take his time and that she’d have dinner at Aiko’s instead.

They turned up at the Oikawa’s doorstep and rang the doorbell, hearing Aiko pitter patter her way to the door until it opened and she smiled somewhat forlornly at the two of them. She winked at them and mouthed a silent ‘thank you’, before opening the door wide and letting them come in. Misaki changed into her own pair of house slippers that were kept in their genkan, and Aiko apologized to Iwaizumi saying she had put his pair away when he graduated from high school. He waved off her apology and walked in with his socks; he walked in on his bare feet earlier anyway.

He made his way to the dining room and shared a nod with the smiling Hideki before he turned to notice Oikawa studiously setting up the dining table with utensils around bowls of rice, avoiding eye contact with his red rimmed eyes.

“Do you need any help?” Iwaizumi asked, and Oikawa glanced up in surprise. His eyes flicked back down immediately as he shook his head. Pursing his lips, Iwaizumi moved towards Aiko who was setting bowls on the table, and was smacked on his hands for his trouble as he tried to pick up a bowl and help.

“Just sit down, son,” his mother called out, already sitting herself down on Hideki’s right. Iwaizumi flushed and sat beside his mother, thanking Aiko when she put down steaming hot dishes of ginger pork, steamed egg, and steamed fish onto the table, along with multiple little side dishes. Iwaizumi’s mouth watered at the sight and he sat on his hands to stop himself from eagerly digging in before everybody was even seated. Misaki could cook at home and there was nothing wrong with her food, but Aiko was a house-wife, and she had years and years of perfecting her dishes that Misaki could respect. Iwaizumi heard a puff of laughter somewhere above him to his left, and he snapped his gaze at Oikawa, who was looking directly at him with his mouth covered by his fist.

Iwaizumi looked to the side as a vein popped in his forehead and let out a small ‘tch’, grunting when his mother elbowed him in the side. Iwaizumi’s eyes widened however, when Aiko laid the last dish out directly in front of Iwaizumi with a flourish and a ‘tadaa!’

A large, sumptuous plate of agedashi tofu was placed right in front of Iwaizumi, and he couldn’t help the stars that appeared in his eyes as his mouth opened in awe. Aiko took a seat just as the drool was probably about to escape Iwaizumi’s mouth and she clapped her hands together.

“I think I speak for everyone and Misa-chan here when we say we missed you, Hajime-chan!” Aiko began and Misaki nodded her approval. “So as a welcome home, please, enjoy this feast! Dig in!”

“ _Thank you for the food_!” everyone called at varying levels of excitement, Iwaizumi’s probably the loudest. Chopsticks began to clack as everyone dug in, and Iwaizumi helped himself to a little of everything, saving the tofu for last.

“Can you believe my cheeky son comes home without any word or warning, and then expects me not to lecture or scold him the second I see him?” Misaki bemoaned, and Iwaizumi glanced at her in the corner of his eye, too busy shoveling food into his mouth at an impressive rate. His first proper meal after making the trip out to Miyagi, and he was being roasted by his own mother who sat right beside him. “He was only home for about an hour and he tuned out about 55 minutes of my lecturing!” Aiko and Hideki laughed as Oikawa obediently ate his meal.

“Hasn’t he grown so much though?” Aiko gushed with a hand to her cheek as Hideki nodded beside her. Misaki grabbed Iwaizumi’s closest cheek and pinched it while he was mid-chew, and he felt his eye twitch.

“His bloody big body has grown into the size of a gorilla, but his etiquette hasn’t changed one bit,” Misaki scorned, and Oikawa accidentally let a few grains of rice slip as he laughed. Iwaizumi felt a vein pop. “Doesn’t tell his mother a goddamn thing, doesn’t increase the quantity of his calls to make up for the fact that he won’t visit his mom in her lame little country town for 5 years,” she continued, pinching his cheek until it stretches beyond normal, and Iwaizumi grunts out loud.

“Shtop it,” he grunted, twitching when she finally twisted his cheek and let go, and kept shoveling food into his mouth. He paused as he chewed, cutting off sections of agedashi tofu and setting them lovingly on his plate as he waited for the tofu to cool down.

“Did he mention he’s leaving us in a week for a road trip to Toyama?” Hideki commented, and Iwaizumi felt his mother’s foot grind into his toes.

“A _week_? You mentioned Toyama in like one sentence, but you’ve come to see your mother for a _week_ after failing to visit for _5 years? How stingy is that?!_ ” she said, irritated as she stepped on his foot and pinched his side. Iwaizumi openly frowned at his mother’s ruthless onslaught, guilt peppering his conscience in between the pain she was causing him.

Oh how some people haven’t changed, at least.

“It’s just a thought, nothing’s planned!” Iwaizumi groaned, batting his mother away from him without trying to hurt her. “Stop hurting me woman!” Misaki’s fingers went straight for his cheek right after that comment, and Iwaizumi could cry. He just wanted to eat this tofu. Please, for the love of god.

Aiko laughed openly at Iwaizumi’s pain and he could see that Oikawa was suppressing a smirk as he stared at Iwaizumi being abused, as though he was saying with his eyes _you deserve it_. Iwaizumi felt a vein pop again, and then his mother had finally let go.

“Geez, what am I to do with you,” she said exasperatedly, but she had a fond smile on her face as she ran her hand over his hair forcefully. She turned to Oikawa next, and he stiffened in case she had some verbal abuse ready for him too. “What about you Tooru, are you going to leave the nest any time soon?” she asked, and Oikawa hummed in reply. Iwaizumi had just picked up his tofu with his spoon and blew on it, ready to devour it in one go.

“Actually, yeah I was thinking,” Oikawa began, and Iwaizumi happily placed his tofu into his mouth, an action he would soon learn to regret.

“I was thinking I could join Iwa-chan on his little road trip,” and the tofu promptly fell out of Iwaizumi’s mouth to splatter unattractively onto the dining table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of sorry the parents played such a huge role, but I typed it out without thinking and this is what happened. I promise next chapter will be IwaOi centred, FINALLY. Until then, bye bye


End file.
